The Bears, Free Coffee, and... Rooting for the Packers?!

If you couldn't tell by the title of this blog, by the header or by the theme that generally connects all of my posts, I'm a Chicago sports guy. I pull for the Bears, which, this season, has been exciting, infuriating, nerve-wracking and hilarious¹, sometimes all at the same time. Despite that emotional tumult though, I still enjoy cheering for my team. A main part of being a Bears fan is rooting almost as hard against the Packers as I do for Chicago. I'm angry at how good Aaron Rodgers is, I am amused by the fact that their defense is almost as bad as the Bears' this year² and it makes me happier when they lose. Under normal circumstances, I would be thrilled with the fact that the Rodgers-less Packers have not been good and probably won't make the playoffs while the Bears have a legitimate shot at the division title.  However, something about this season has brought up a series of very unusual reactions.

First off, I'm not even sure how invested I've been in whether or not the Bears win this year. The defense has been hit by so many injuries³ and hasn't been able to stop anybody. The offense has been inconsistent under first year quarterback whisperer Marc Trestman and might as well just kneel down in short yardage situations. There's a lot to look forward to in future seasons with Alshon Jefferey hauling in anything thrown within 50 yards of his gargantuan catch radius in just his second season,⁴ the offense showing flashes of brilliance and rookies on both sides of the ball playing pretty impressively. But, as they're constructed now, the Bears are booking a ticket to a first round shellacking against either Carolina or San Francisco if they even win the division. I'd almost rather they go 7-9 and have a higher pick in the draft than have them get embarrassed in the playoffs.

In yesterday afternoon's Cowboys/Packers game, Dallas seemed firmly in control of the game going up 19 as the third quarter wound down. Tony Romo looked like he does in every month before December and despite leading his team to its first touchdown of the day, Matt Flynn was generally looking like the Matt Flynn that lost his job to Russell Wilson (excusable), Terrelle Pryor (less excusable) and rookie Matt McGloin (not excusable), and served as the emergency backup to Buffalo's Thad Lewis and Jeff Tuel. As I fulfilled the blogger stereotype of sitting in my mom's basement, I found myself rooting for the Packers from the beginning. Even once they had gotten down late, I was counting the possessions and figuring out what they would have to do in order to come back.

Now, you might be thinking to yourself, "but Benjamin, you were just telling me three paragraphs ago about how much you dislike the Packers! Have you been lying to me this whole time? Can I ever trust you again? How do I even know what's real anymore?" You wouldn't be wrong. All you'd have to do is scroll up a bit and see that that's exactly what I said. But there's more to it than that. Against any other team, I would have been quite happy that the Packers were being dismantled. But they were playing Dallas. And the Cowboys are currently the only other team in the NFC East challenging the Eagles for the division title.

To be fair, this shouldn't matter to me. I'm not an Eagles fan, and while my parents are, until this year I never really cared about whether or not they won. My girlfriend has been living in lovely Rosemont, Pennsylvania since June attending a grueling and inhumane post-bac program at Bryn Mawr College so that she can go to med school and be successful.⁵ For those who don't know, Rosemont is located right around 25 minutes from Philadelphia, and apparently the Dunkin' Donuts in the area offer a free coffee the morning after an Eagles' win. 

Obviously, Philadelphia isn't the same team as Green Bay. But by beating Dallas, the Packers just gave the Eagles a better chance to take the division, which means more opportunities for them to win and for my girlfriend to get more free coffee. And more free coffee usually means a happier Sarah. And a happier Sarah usually means a happier Benjamin. I guess you could say then that I wasn't rooting for the Packers as much as I was rooting for free coffee. 

^{1. Sometimes I watch the games and laugh at how woefully bad the run defense is. I was laughing for the majority of the game against the Vikings a couple weeks ago because it was legitimately one of the worst played/coached games I've ever seen.↩}

^{2. Even with significantly fewer injuries to key players↩}

^{3. And wasn't even all that good in the first place↩}

^{4. Remember how he used to be fat? It makes me so happy and I love everything about that picture↩}

^{5. For the life of me I have no idea how she's doing it. At the moment she's finishing up finals in biology, organic chemistry and physics all at the same time. The fact that she hasn't gone completely insane can only be explained by some sort of sorcery.↩}